The complicated truth about chasing a career you’re no longer sure you love.
One of the most common questions I get as a hairdresser is:
“When did you know you wanted to do hair?”
People ask it like it’s a fairytale moment—like I saw a blow dryer and the heavens opened up.
The truth? I never really know how to answer.
Because… I don’t know if I ever did know. And now, four years into my career, I don’t even know if I really like being a hairdresser.
The Story I Usually Tell
I’ve always been drawn to hair. That’s true.
I’ll usually tell people I’ve always had a passion for the beauty industry—because I think that’s what they want to hear. It sounds better than saying, “I’m still figuring it out.”
In reality, it started small.
When I was younger, I used to do my teammates’ hair before competitions. We all had to wear a “poof” with a ponytail, and I happened to be really good at making that “poof.” That little moment gave me a weird sense of confidence. I wasn’t good at many other things, so I clung to it.
I’d spend hours experimenting on my own hair—styling it in wild ways, curling it just to see what it could do. One day, a girl at school complimented my curls and asked how I did it. That stuck with me.
I didn’t mean to get good at hair.
It just happened. It was the result of countless hours spent doing it for fun.
Back then, it was a hobby. A creative outlet. Playful, not pressured.
The Passion Isn’t Gone… But It’s Not the Same
When hair was just something I did for myself, it was pure joy.
No budget. No time limits. No expectations.
No one to impress but me.
Now that it’s my career, the joy feels… conditional. Constrained.
I give all my energy to clients. I talk, I listen, I give advice, I create and by the time I clock out, I have nothing left to give to my friends or family. I feel like I’m moving through life in a haze. So much of my mental bandwidth is used up processing my workday that I’m emotionally unavailable for my actual life.
It’s not that I hate doing hair. It’s that doing it all day, every day, has changed my relationship with it.
My Body’s Quiet Rebellion
I chose hairdressing in part because I wanted to move. I didn’t want to be stuck behind a desk.
Ironically, now I’m dealing with constant pain…shoulder, neck, and back issues, especially in my left arm (the one that does all the heavy lifting). I go to physical therapy just to reverse the damage, and then re-do it all over again come Monday.
It feels like my body is whispering something to me that I don’t want to hear.
Where Do I Go From Here?
When I was in hair school, I felt like I was going to revolutionize the beauty industry. I was full of excitement and ideas. I wanted to make people feel seen, beautiful, empowered.
Now… I just feel tired.
And I don’t know if this is just burnout—or if I’m on the wrong path altogether.
That’s a scary thing to say out loud, especially when you’ve invested so much time and identity into something.
There’s a part of me that still wants to hold on.
To believe I can make this work.
That maybe I just need better ergonomics or more rest. That maybe I’m not giving up, I’m just evolving.
But right now, I don’t have the answers. I just know something has to change.
So I’m starting with honesty.
Maybe by being honest with myself and with you I’ll feel a little less stuck.
